perpetual movement

so i have this problem with staying in the present tense. i get this swirling tornado in my brain and the results are well, messy. i don't stay in past tense, but rather the future. always pushing, tweaking, day dreaming. for some reason i have yet to grasp the idea that while i can do what is in my power, i cannot boss the universe around. sometimes me thinks i'm a bit too big for my own britches. when i go on these tangents and i put on my tunnel vision lenses, the universe is prompt to provide me with a halting reality check that rips me out of futureworld. so then, why continue to tempt fate? why not just make a very contientious effort to remain present, appreciate what i have and accept that beyond my day to day choices, i am not in control. i have started this practice of just repeating the mantra "i trust you". i suppose "you" is the symbolic, metaphorical "you" that means everything outside of myself. while i don't consider myself a religious woman, i definitely have a strong belief in the divine. intelligent design is the phrase du jour these days and i think it waters down the most powerful thing in existence. (i digress) what i think is happening here is a push for me to not only practice mindfulness, but to actually believe in it. i'm exhausted when the tornado plows through and it's a vicious cycle. i have come to realize that by putting so much emphasis in external events, i am allowing the tornado to shred all that i have built internally. no mas! i am waving the white flag. there is so much happening in my life right now and i am on the cusp of something huge. although this nebulous series of events is still unknown. what if things don't happen the way i want? will i let it destroy me? well, not if i stay in the present and absorb all of the greatness that i am surrounded by. tricky tricky. the goal is to not jump down the rabbit hole....again.