Truckin

I come to you today in a slightly more rejuvenated place. I got some much needed sleep and alone time last night. While the questions, fears and introspective mullings remain, they are quieter. For that, I am grateful. I was feeling completely overwhelmed and it took the advice and guidance of some wonderful ladies to pull me up. I haven't started wearing my superhero underoos on the outside of my pants yet, but I will get there again.

I have been like a raw nerve lately, to the point where I'm smoking, drinking and scowling excessively. I was in such a dark place yesterday that I almost snapped at this crazy old lady prophesizing on the 4 train. Under normal conditions, I would have just turned up my ipod to drown out the blathering and yelling, but not yesterday. Yesterday, I stubbornly tried to continue reading a magazine and allowed for my brain to soak in the rantings. And this woman could project! I don't think she swallowed or took a break for 30 minutes while I looked helplessly at the other passengers. I was thisclose to screaming at her to respect her fellow man and shut the fuck up. But, I didn't. I'm actually proud of myself for exhibiting manners and self control in the face of a total raging meltdown.

The moral of the story is that I am powering through this craziness and allowing myself to feel my feelings. A very wise woman's words are remaining in my head and I have to take the good with the bad. I am trying to allow myself to feel vulnerable, not turn rejection into self deprecation and to keep fighting the good fight. I can do this.

Yo conozco

I have been in a very contemplative place the last couple of days. I have spent a significant amount of time mulling over the types of people that I tend to attract. Not just friends and lovers, but folks on the fringe as well. The conclusion that I have come to is that I am a magnet for the artistic, transient, whirlwind types who have a penchant for boozing/drugging. What I find most intriguing about that is I only posess trace amounts of those qualities. Yet, I am almost sought out by these types who often end up disappointing and hurting me. Not because it is intentional, but rather, it is the essence of their very nature. Irony personified. I do feel it necessary to make a disclaimer, that by no means is this the case for my dear ones. I am referring more to those who sit just outside or far away from that circle.

So, armed with this knowledge, how does one go about sheparding in a flock who do not seek to destroy my temple? I can only think that this is a two way street. Then the question becomes: what must I do to change my attraction to the self destructive?

I'm working on it.

<3
Adrienne

Crisis overted.

Oh and was it ever! So in the course of internet dating, you are "talking" to a few different people on any given day. Most of the time, you are ignoring winks or messages from undesirables. On day 2 of the interwebs dating experiment, I get a friendly, slightly flirtatious message from a guy named Patrick. I was intrigued and took a gander at his profile. He was midly attractive, but his profession (composer/musician) and his "about me" info was funny and charming.

I decided to write him back and begin a dialogue. We quickly swapped email addresses and began a long winded exchange for about 2 days. I was enjoying it and appreciated his culinary prowess and witty banter. So....I gave him my phone number. Rookie mistake. I get a borage of texts asking when I can meet up, etc. I was uncomfortable with his persistance, but wrote it off as the NYC dating scene. Which admittedly is very fast paced because there are so many people here, the chances of seeing them again are slim to none. We made plans for Monday night, but due to some tummy problems, I cancelled and said that we could possibly meet up later in the evening. Around 9pm he texts me my status, to which I reply I'm not feeling well at all and I'm in for the night. He writes back, "you suck". Well, that pissed me off. A lot. My roomie, "C", told me to forget him and not talk to him again. I concurred but he wrote he was sorry and didn't mean to offend me. Red flags flying high, I accepted his apology and told him we could meet Thursday instead. He agreed but was texting me constantly, to the point that I felt like I was being stalked. No good.

Tuesday night: I had a girly date with C, and was rehashing this scenario with her. She asked to see his profile because this situation sounded a bit too familiar to her. I whip out my computer and show her his picture. Not only had C been talking to him back in November, he was the guy who sent her a picture of another girl yanking on his junk during the course of an GChat! C went into her computer and showed me the archived chat with him and it was horrifying. He was aggressive and rude, even when she told him to never contact her again, he asked if she liked what she saw.

Done and done. 

I promise you dear readers that I have learned my lesson. I will solemnly swear to listen to my gut and no longer give the benefit of the doubt. Also- all people will be screened by C or another third party prior to my meeting them in person.

<3
Adrienne

Well well well.....

Instead of my usual banter about the state of affairs in my brain, I have decided to share some personal and.....wait for it....illicit details of my budding, ahem, dating life in the big city. Now, keep your pants on folks. There are no sordid details, but there is humor. And that is something that I can't live without. So here goes.....

I have been living in Brooklyn for about 6 weeks now. Prior to that, I had been single, and I mean s.i.n.g.l.e. for roughly 2 years. So naturally, I get up here and all of the randy comes pouring out of me like a fire hydrant on a hot summer day in NY. This city is a buffet and that is no exaggeration. Tall, short, fit, fat, every ethnicity you could shake a stick at and they are everywhere, swarming me on a daily basis. What's a girl to do? Not trade texts with her ex boyfriend that broke her heart, of course...oh wait, that did happen on a whiskey soaked night during week 4. No matter! Moving forward. My roomie decided to have an intervention: Adrienne is going to go on the interwebs to discover eligible bachelors in the general vicinity that would like to go on fun dates. Thus, the OKCupid profile emerges from the darkness and put out on the interwebs for all to judge, browse and ultimately make a final decision about. If you know me at all- you know that I am not an exhibitionist and this whole scenario makes me widly uncomfortable. But, I have decided to stick with it. For now. Oh and for the stories.

Date 1: Baconplayboy aka John. Occupation: Dermatological Reconstructive Surgeon. Not only did I see the red flags with this one (see screen name), but I actively ignored them because I chose to give the benefit of the doubt to this douche. To start off the magical evening, he was 20 minutes late and come to find out, the damn bar was a BLOCK from his house when he knew I had to take the bus in order to get to this part of Brooklyn. Douche bag 2/ Adrienne 0.

As the evening progressed, it became very apparent that this guy only wanted a one night stand. Perhaps the tip off should have been when I removed my coat and he gives me the up and down and says, "nice". Why didn't I just leave then?? Answer: I am nice and hoped he was using bad humor. It just went downhill from there. Inappropriate comments, touching, etc. Then, at one point I was mid-sentence and he leans in, grabs the back of my head and forcefully kisses me and says, "not bad for being rusty". Douche bag 854/ Adrienne 0

As uncomfortable/ miserable as I was, a girl has got to eat and I was famished. So, he walked us over to an amazing burger joint that I love called DuMont Burger where he proceeds to order a bunch of stuff. This place is not cheap folks. When the bill comes, he tells me he is cash poor and asks if he can just "get me back". I reluctantly pull out my card and PAY FOR THE ENTIRE MEAL. Reminder- he is a SURGEON. Fuck that.

End of story: I called a car and got the hell out of there. Do I even need to mention that he didn't pay for that either? Final score- Douche bag 5,879/ Adrienne 0

Stay tuned for my next story about the guy I was talking to who turned out to be a despicable human being.

<3
Adrienne

I have arrived

Well, sort of. I mean I am here in the city, finally and living my life. I have a job, I have an apartment, I have new and old belongings, I have familiar and foreign places. Sprinkle that with a few choice people and Voila! Life so far in NYC.

I looked back at my few blogs before I made the journey and it's interesting that my head space isn't much different. Whirling, swirling, tumultuous mixed with peace. That's me! It's just now, I don't have the creature comforts of home or the people that I relied on for so long as a sanctuary. The process has been fascinating, infuriating and confusing. I am learning to forge new relationships, pathways and nooks for myself here. I love this city. I don't even mind that my boogers are not the right color at the end of most days or that my skin has weird little bumps that are inexplicable. P says it's the air up here and that I need to just be prepared for my body to go through changes too. WHAT?!! You mean I have to deal with physiological AND emotional issues? Aw, man. Crap. Ok. I am. The Sanford and Son loop that has played in my head since childhood has been merged with the Facts of Life theme song now too.

Remind me to get a casio keyboard and plink that one out for you.

More to follow. I'm taking myself home for a mani/pedi/wine and sausage party with the roomie.

<3