It has been hard for me to find time/energy/interest in writing lately and I'm not sure why. Even my journal has been neglected for the past couple of months. My guru thinks it is because I just don't need to do it and that when I'm ready, the words and motivation will flow again. I seem to come back to this when I'm in a place of confusion or turmoil, but unfortunately, that doesn't make for fun reading. One of the things I'm struggling with is men, dating, expectations, sexuality, etc. Luckily, that subject allows for interesting fodder and examination- of my crazyass.
The man on the train:
So, there's this man that I occasionally have the pleasure of riding the train with, but only when I'm running late for work. When we see one another on the platform, a natural merging occurs- he starts toward me and I start toward him. This is super casual and covert looking (not). Inevitably, we get on the same car and "accidentally" always end up in close proximity to one another. We either stand right next to each other or I sit and he stands above me (insert my fantasy here). This has happened roughly 5 times, so I can't believe this is a fucking coincidence. Here's the problem- I'm too much of a chicken shit for the entire 30 minutes we have on the train to say anything and apparently he is too. We always have on our ipods and the culture of the subway is to never ever ever talk to strangers- even if you want to bone them. If you show interest on public transportation, you look like a creep. However, I think my staring is probably much creepier at this point. The bottom line- I am inept when it comes to picking up men that I allow to intimidate me. And I have a fear of rejection and future awkwardness. Any advice?
I share this story to illustrate what a complete lunatic I am and to make you, fellow reader, feel better about your own ineptitude.
Happy Monday!
