power walking

I woke up somber this morning and have remained that way today. I suppose I imagined that I would be elated and I'm not. The harsh reality of prolonged goodbyes and an empty home have hit harder than I could have predicted. For the first time, I will be a nomad without a home or my own space, in a foreign land and I have no clue as to how that will feel. The irony is that the whole point of this journey is to seek simplicity and move complication and drama out of my life. I have managed to do that and perhaps the catharsis is so powerful that I am reeling in its wake. I just have to muscle my way through this week and all will be revealed. Allegedly.

where ma head?

Dear Blog,

Hi. How how are you? I am sorry for my inexcusable neglect. You see, I have completely lost my mind for the last TWO months. It's my fault really- I have made a series of decisions that have significantly impacted my ability to function properly on a daily basis. I will try my best to keep up and stop meandering from place to place.

Things are changing so quickly and even though said things are happening to me, I am having a hard time keeping up with it all. Literally, everyday, decisions are made that have a monumentous impact on my near future. It's a rather unique position to be in, actually. I have been settled in for the last decade of my life in Tallahassee and *poof*. I am on the spin cycle in the washer.

I am coming to terms with it all and drying my tears. My upcoming path is shiny and new. Then it will be my life's mission to find the best key lime pie in all 5 boroughs. You gotta have goals, right? Plus, I need to fit into these jeans I just bought last night- apparently I underestimated.....my size. Biscuits and key lime pie ahoy!

In conclusion, I will make a conserted effort to keep up with you, blog.

Love,
A

wine and brulee

good morning! i regret to report that the whirling swirling tornado continues, but i have at least been able to subdue it a bit. however tumultuous the tornado, i have managed to keep the focus on things in my locus of control. the boss and staff have been informed of my very likely departure, i have reached out to a distant friend and received the most heart warming response, and i finally had a conversation with another friend that needed to happen. to top things off, i was fortunate enough to enjoy some merriment with one of my favorite people last night over wine and crème brulee. such a sinful treat! i am having to force myself out of the cocoon and just tackle these things like a line backer- not my forte. this is new, people! movin' shakin' and what not. the results have been nothing less than inspiring and positive. that's all for now!

perpetual movement

so i have this problem with staying in the present tense. i get this swirling tornado in my brain and the results are well, messy. i don't stay in past tense, but rather the future. always pushing, tweaking, day dreaming. for some reason i have yet to grasp the idea that while i can do what is in my power, i cannot boss the universe around. sometimes me thinks i'm a bit too big for my own britches. when i go on these tangents and i put on my tunnel vision lenses, the universe is prompt to provide me with a halting reality check that rips me out of futureworld. so then, why continue to tempt fate? why not just make a very contientious effort to remain present, appreciate what i have and accept that beyond my day to day choices, i am not in control. i have started this practice of just repeating the mantra "i trust you". i suppose "you" is the symbolic, metaphorical "you" that means everything outside of myself. while i don't consider myself a religious woman, i definitely have a strong belief in the divine. intelligent design is the phrase du jour these days and i think it waters down the most powerful thing in existence. (i digress) what i think is happening here is a push for me to not only practice mindfulness, but to actually believe in it. i'm exhausted when the tornado plows through and it's a vicious cycle. i have come to realize that by putting so much emphasis in external events, i am allowing the tornado to shred all that i have built internally. no mas! i am waving the white flag. there is so much happening in my life right now and i am on the cusp of something huge. although this nebulous series of events is still unknown. what if things don't happen the way i want? will i let it destroy me? well, not if i stay in the present and absorb all of the greatness that i am surrounded by. tricky tricky. the goal is to not jump down the rabbit hole....again.

For seriously.

Hello friends! I have arrived to the blogging world. I decided in 2009 that 2010 would be my year to share in my travels, trivial events, ridiculous animals and daily foolishness. A public forum seems like the best way to hold myself accountable in many ways. 2010 is the first year that I actually have bonified resolutions. Some of them are things that I am already doing, but need to be more consistent with and some of them, I have never attempted. So, here's to me actually following through with this!