Instead of my usual banter about the state of affairs in my brain, I have decided to share some personal and.....wait for it....illicit details of my budding, ahem, dating life in the big city. Now, keep your pants on folks. There are no sordid details, but there is humor. And that is something that I can't live without. So here goes.....
I have been living in Brooklyn for about 6 weeks now. Prior to that, I had been single, and I mean s.i.n.g.l.e. for roughly 2 years. So naturally, I get up here and all of the randy comes pouring out of me like a fire hydrant on a hot summer day in NY. This city is a buffet and that is no exaggeration. Tall, short, fit, fat, every ethnicity you could shake a stick at and they are everywhere, swarming me on a daily basis. What's a girl to do? Not trade texts with her ex boyfriend that broke her heart, of course...oh wait, that did happen on a whiskey soaked night during week 4. No matter! Moving forward. My roomie decided to have an intervention: Adrienne is going to go on the interwebs to discover eligible bachelors in the general vicinity that would like to go on fun dates. Thus, the OKCupid profile emerges from the darkness and put out on the interwebs for all to judge, browse and ultimately make a final decision about. If you know me at all- you know that I am not an exhibitionist and this whole scenario makes me widly uncomfortable. But, I have decided to stick with it. For now. Oh and for the stories.
Date 1: Baconplayboy aka John. Occupation: Dermatological Reconstructive Surgeon. Not only did I see the red flags with this one (see screen name), but I actively ignored them because I chose to give the benefit of the doubt to this douche. To start off the magical evening, he was 20 minutes late and come to find out, the damn bar was a BLOCK from his house when he knew I had to take the bus in order to get to this part of Brooklyn. Douche bag 2/ Adrienne 0.
As the evening progressed, it became very apparent that this guy only wanted a one night stand. Perhaps the tip off should have been when I removed my coat and he gives me the up and down and says, "nice". Why didn't I just leave then?? Answer: I am nice and hoped he was using bad humor. It just went downhill from there. Inappropriate comments, touching, etc. Then, at one point I was mid-sentence and he leans in, grabs the back of my head and forcefully kisses me and says, "not bad for being rusty". Douche bag 854/ Adrienne 0
As uncomfortable/ miserable as I was, a girl has got to eat and I was famished. So, he walked us over to an amazing burger joint that I love called DuMont Burger where he proceeds to order a bunch of stuff. This place is not cheap folks. When the bill comes, he tells me he is cash poor and asks if he can just "get me back". I reluctantly pull out my card and PAY FOR THE ENTIRE MEAL. Reminder- he is a SURGEON. Fuck that.
End of story: I called a car and got the hell out of there. Do I even need to mention that he didn't pay for that either? Final score- Douche bag 5,879/ Adrienne 0
Stay tuned for my next story about the guy I was talking to who turned out to be a despicable human being.
<3
Adrienne
